Happy Cholidays

By Geoff Edwards

Charlie Chaplin, the late comic actor, said, “The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.” I did not know Charlie Chaplin, he was not a friend of mine, and, assuredly, I’m no Charlie Chaplin. I got used to the luxury of the new Crystal Serenity really, really fast.

The Serenity, Crystal Cruises newest and largest ship (1080 passengers), entered service in July 2003, has the highest rating in its category (ships carrying over 1,000 passengers) from Berlitz® Ocean Cruising & Cruise Ships 2004. My wife, Michael, and I were on its 14 day mid December inaugural Panama Canal cruise from Fort Lauderdale to Los Angeles.

Our deluxe stateroom, while on Penthouse Deck, was not actually a penthouse, but a smaller cousin to the nearby Crystal Penthouses. Moments after bags arrived, there was a knock on the door, and our butler introduced himself. “Please bother me as much as you can”, said Peter, “I am here to be used.” Use him we did; full menu meals ensuite, evening hors d'oeuvres, and reservations at the specialty dining rooms for which others had to appear personally. Peter butled with alacrity, and, unlike some of his more famous colleagues, would never write a book about personal peccadilloes.

Although our cabin was beautifully appointed, the closet doors were within a foot or so of one side of the bed. Only room for one at a time to access the closet, and maybe none at a time if some one was asleep on that side. On the plus side, we had a lovely verandah, a fully stocked mini-bar, two bottles of wine, and our choice of two upper end bottles of liquor. I picked vodka, and Peter delivered two bottles of Chopin. The spacious bathroom with dual sinks, tub and shower came with thick oversized cotton towels and Aveda products as amenities. The robes were Frette, the duvet and pillows, down. If not exactly in the lap of luxury, we were certainly bouncing happily on its knee.

We have never have experienced a crew as friendly and efficient as on Serenity. All the staff that interfaced with guests were eager to serve. Even the deckhands smiled “hello”. Of course the ship’s photographers were also eager to help you memorialize your cruise, but as a subtle perk, not paparazzi, as found on less luxurious lines. Loudspeaker announcements are kept to a minimum, Crystal assumes its passengers can decipher Reflections, the ship’s activity schedule delivered daily to cabins. A cruise on Serenity, is much more a large summer party at a stately mansion than a group trip to a theme park. Crystal does not go overboard (I am so sorry) in any direction.

Serenity’s ambiance is far from glitzy; no neon tubing, flashing lights, “look at me” art, or faux statuary. Indeed, except for this cruise’s Christmas decorations, (wreaths and Santa Claus figures everywhere, plus a 17 foot tree guarded by a 12 foot wooden soldier) some might call it spare. The only problem I had with the ubiquitous Christmas theme was the “in your face” life-size Nativity scene just outside The Palm Court, a lovely area with panoramic windows, stage, bar, and individually arranged sitting areas. Considering 40% of Serenity’s passengers were Jewish, I searched the rest of the public areas hoping to find a Menorah to balance the religious scales. As close as I could come was the; the trident in King Neptune’s raised hand, at one of the pools.. With Chanukah a few days away, I found this a few prongs short of seasonal equity.

Gastronomical equity was a different matter. Serenity has a segregated full Kosher kitchen. Headwaiter Mario Gallo told us that the kitchen can handle any level of Kosher meal that a passenger wants. The dinnerware is new and used only one time. It then goes into general kitchen service, where breakage evens the inventory. Also new pots, pans, and cutlery are marked Kosher and categorized as to use; meat, fish etc. Some passengers even bring a Mashgiah with them to inspect both kitchen and food. One time, according to Mario, a group of Orthodox Jews from Panama even brought kosher pizza on board.

Kosher beef, lamb, chicken, and duck come frozen from Israel, England, and the US, and many passengers have a favorite dish. Our favorite was the Kosher chicken. It fell apart with very little urging from the dining Captain’s knife, as he carved it tableside. We actually found it preferable to the chicken on the regular menu.

Serenity’s main dining room, paneled with dark wood, is reminiscent of an upscale “North Beach” San Francisco restaurant. The food is good, the service exceptional, but it was not our first choice for dinner. The specialty restaurants, Prego and Silk Road were tied for number one on our list.

Prego is an outstanding gourmet Italian restaurant. In association with owner Piero Selvaggio of Valentino in Santa Monica and Las Vegas. Valentino’s signature dishes are offered on the left side of the menu, and those of the ship’s specialty chef, on the right. Nightly specials are recited by dining room dictator Dominick. Look for the long Italian name that translates into the best mushroom soup, served in a “bowl” of oregano bread, you’ll ever taste.

Silk Road features a sushi bar that is under the watchful eye of Nobu Matsuhisa whose New York, Beverly Hills, and Malibu restaurants have almost a months wait for reservations. The longest we waited for his inventive sushi creations was about five minutes. Imagine all the sushi you want, for as long as you want, for a suggested tip of six dollars per person. We spent three nights there.

After dinner there was an eclectic dish of nightly shows. One night a comedian, one a dance team, one Broadway star Michael Bell, one a classical pianist, and several nights, major production shows featuring the Serenity singers and dancers. We went to two of the production shows. The ample theater was standing room only. Towards the end of the each show, seating was available. Some of it due to our leaving less than halfway through both shows. To us, the singers and dancers performed without passion, a kind of going through the motions, but then, we didn’t sit through Cats either.

Of course, the Panama Canal was the highlight of this particular cruise. It is an engineering masterpiece that took many years to complete, and although I have been through it around 15 times, I am still awestruck upon each passage. We asked one older woman why she had taken this particular cruise, and she said she wanted to fulfill her husband’s lifelong dream to go through the Panama Canal. When we asked how he liked the experience, she paused for a bit and then said, “I don’t know, I didn’t ask him.

During the canal passage, food and goodies were served both in the air conditioned Palm Court, and on the steamy deck. Although the ship was full, there was no shortage of viewing areas on both bow and stern. As a matter of fact, many of us saw the arrow at the entry to the Canal that points either to the lock on the right, or the one on the left. Since the Canal is uni-directional or bi-directional depending on traffic, the arrow shows the ship which lock is open for use. As Serenity approached the first set of locks, the arrow pointed right. The ship was definitely on a path to the left At the last possible moment, forward motion suddenly stopped, and side thrusters roared into action. Serenity sidled 30 yards from left to right, and slid into arrow compliance. I guess even canal pilots have off days.

Throughout the cruise Chicago Rabbi Mark Shapiro conducted services which, besides being religious, were a way for Jewish passengers to congregate and meet each other. The first night of Chanukah over 200 gathered in the Hollywood Theater to light the Menorah. That same night a Menorah suddenly appeared at the Purser’s desk. It was small and plugged into a socket, but it was there. Oops, by the third night, four of the electric candles plus the Shamus were lit. My wife unscrewed the prescient one. Actually, it was Senor Goldberg’s Mexicatessen in Cabo San Lucas that hit center. Their merrily lit Christmas tree was ornamented with bagels and teddy bears in Menorah stenciled t-shirts. Happy Cholidays from Senor Goldberg!

One of the questions we constantly hear from first time cruisers is, “Will I be bored on a cruise?” Well maybe, but not, no matter its name, on Serenity. Crystal Cruises prides itself on their Creative Learning Institute, or CU. They provide both lecturers and hands-on instruction in a variety of subjects. On our cruise you could learn to play a Yamaha keyboard, find your way around a computer, be trained in Tai Chi and yoga, or get really active on the latest machines in the gym. Serenity’s expert lecturers covered everything from the history of the Panama Canal to wellness, lifestyle, wine and food, even departed movie stars. A golf pro gave lessons at the “driving range” and putting green. I sank three 12 foot putts in a row, and, wisely, never went back.

On the last warm night of our cruise, we ordered from the main dining room menu, and Peter delivered a four course dinner to our cabin. I sat on our verandah and raised my ice cold Chopin to the glow of the just set sun:

Here’s to you Charlie!!!